The "Mini Marriage Meltdown"

I shamefully admit that I am a Glee fan. Not just a fan, but maybe a bit of a fanatic. I have literally seen every episode, and at one point made a chart to determine my favorite songs from the first and second seasons. I really should do the third season. Anyway, if you are a Glee fan, and you have not seen the latest episode, then you may want to stop reading because there is going to be a spoiler that relates to my point. If you could care less, like I am assuming most of you do, read on.

A couple that has been a fan favorite for Gleeks everywhere was finally getting married this past episode. The bride, however, has OCD and she can get very anxious over things. To make a REALLY long story short, she becomes a runaway bride. She sings a song from the musical Company called “Getting Married Today” as she makes her exit from the church. I had never heard this song, but there was a line that struck me as interesting.

“You know we’ll both of us be losing our identities.”

I recently had a “mini marriage meltdown” as I will call it because it wasn’t too horrendous and I like alliteration. I had spent A LOT of time in prayer recently about trying to find my gifts, personality, and abilities God had given me, and they were answered this past Sunday when I was allowed to go through some exploration to see what they were. I rejoiced, but it ended almost too quickly. When I talked to Grant that afternoon, I went through exploring it with him to see what gifts he had. Then, I realized something: Grant and I are almost the same person.

While some may rejoice that they have found someone that just “gets” them (whatever that means), I started kind of freaking out. I didn’t feel like my own unique self. I was JUST starting to get comfortable in my own skin and liking it, and now I felt like it wasn’t my own. I wondered how Grant and I could effectively serve others if we didn’t balance each other out (I mean for crying out loud ONE of us needs to be more task-oriented and organized). I thought marriage would mean there would be no more “Jordan” just always “Jordan and Grant.”

I’m not sure how it came up (as I am unsure with most of our conversations), but I discussed this whole matter with my brother. My brother and I could not be more different when “comforting” and listening to others. My brother is very blunt and honest. His response? “You’re being selfish.” Uhm, excuse me? I’m in school to be a social worker. I’m volunteering at a homelessness prevention organization. I’m serving at my church. Not to sound full of myself, but I don’t really consider myself selfish.

My brother explained that we have this tendency to be selfish because of human nature. I mean, marriage is about two becoming one, and sometimes we lose track of that. I think maybe our selfish tendencies are why so many marriages don’t last these days. A lot of times we think, “What can this person provide me?” It’s just our nature. Don’t get me wrong, one should be in a relationship where the other contributes and makes us into stronger people, but marrying someone isn’t to be taken lightly. It shouldn’t be just like any other relationship (if so, what’s the point of getting married?). Instead of asking, “What can this person provide me?” we should be asking, “How can I serve this person?” We should love our spouses, or potential spouses, so much that we just want to lift them up and help them out in any way possible.

Our church this past week had a message on service. In this message, our pastor explained a phrase that his son says when he wants his daddy to swing him upside down. This phrase? “More up is down.” Our pastor went on to explain that the more we submit and serve, the more we see improvement in our relationships and situations. In the case of refraining from selfishness in a marriage, more up is down.

As for our identities in marriage, my brother explained that our individual identities would still be in tact. We have a lot in common yes, and that’s what attracted us to the other. However, we still have uniqueness that is our own, even if we act so similar. We have uniqueness in the small things such as the fact that I really enjoy math more than Grant and Grant is better at art than I am. We have uniqueness in the sense that I can serve Grant through my gift of exhortation, while he could serve me through craftsmanship because I am incredibly weak in that compared to him. I think of it like I see the “sand mix thing” at a lot of weddings. The bride will pour one color of sand into a giant jar while the groom pours in a different color. The two colors are mixed together and in one place, but you can still see that they are different colors.

With all of this said, I don’t think I will be a runaway bride like our Glee character. I am willing to stick by Grant and serve him in my own unique ways. I believe we can still serve others, even if some of our gifts are the same. That just means we can work side-by-side with similar goals and tactics to reach others. :)

However, if anyone sees me looking like this on my wedding day, call Ryan Murphy and tell him he has a new cast member.

Source: Wetpaint