Pearls

"Every girl should have pearls."

My grandma said this as she handed me a small box one day. I opened the box and saw my very own pearl necklace. I had borrowed my grandmother's numerous times, and now I had my own. I was never a big fan of jewelry, but I always did enjoy her pearl necklace. I did mention that I wished it was a little shorter, so of course, mine was short and didn't hang as much as her pearl necklace. I was grateful, and though it may have seemed old fashioned, I even wore it to my senior prom.

Pearls have held significance for me personally, I guess. Along with the whole pearl necklace from my grandma, my great-grandmother's middle name was Pearl. Pearls are my birthstone. The girls in chorale in high school got to wear pearls at their performance, and every year, I tried out for chorale and was always picked as an alternate, but finally got in my senior year. It was a joy to have be able to finally walk off stage from my women's chorus performance to put on a set of pearls and return to the stage. For me, it has symbolized who I am. It has meant triumph. It has meant family: specifically my grandmother.

Being a teenager raised by your grandma can be difficult at times, but it never stopped me from getting advice from her. I was always asking advice on school, love, religion, how to treat others, etc. My grandmother time and time again would point me to a poem, and today this poem was read at her funeral.

Grandma's Pearls of Wisdom
I traveled paths you've yet to walk
Learned lessons old and new
And now this wisdom of my life
I'm blessed to share with you

Let kindness spread like sunshine
Embrace those who are sad
Respect their dignity, give them joy
And leave them feeling glad

Forgive those who might hurt you
And though you have your pride
Listen closely to their viewpoints
Try to see the other side

Walk softly when you're angry
Try not to take offense
Invoke your sense of humor
Laugher's power is immense

Express what you are feeling
Your beliefs you should uphold
Don't shy away from what is right
Be courageous and be bold

Keep hope right in your pocket
It will guide you day by day
Take it out when is needed
When its near, you'll find a way

Remember friends and family
Of which you are a precious part
Love deeply and love truly
Give freely from your heart

This world is far from perfect
There's conflict and there's strife
But you still can make a difference
By how you live your life

And so I'm very blessed to know
The wonders you will do
Because you are my granddaughter*
And I believe in you

I think it is funny that it is called "Grandma's Pearls of Wisdom" considering everything I have just written.

I'm not sure if you know how a pearl is made, but it is quite interesting to me. It starts out when something slips into the oyster and begins to irritate/hurt it. In order to protect itself, the oyster covers the irritating substance with layers of what the oyster uses to create its shell. This irritating substance becomes a pearl. What once caused pain creates something beautiful.

This isn't the first time I have lost someone close to me that I loved. I have lost my mother, my grandfather, and now my grandmother. Each loss has been so painful. It has been hard to lose each parental figure in my life before I even reached the age of 23. However, I know that I can turn this pain into something beautiful. It is what my mom, grandpa, and grandma would have wanted. I can look back and smile at the many memories I created with them. I can look back at the wisdom they imparted to me, particularly my grandmother.

Grandma, I hope you are enjoying dancing with grandpa again. Just know I'm going to cut in someday.

On another note, let's make sure we can find me a wedding dress that goes with these.

*=for grandma's funeral, "granddaughter" was changed to "family"

8 Ways You Can Help Someone During a Tough Time

Though I have returned to Kentucky, I have still had a lot on my mind.

This process with my grandma has been rough. That’s an understatement, but this stress has made me tired that it has been hard to really say much. It’s hard knowing that the woman who has raised you is being kept alive by machines when just a couple of weeks ago, you were having a conversation with her where she repeated the same story three times and asked you if you were hungry repeatedly.

These things are never easy, and I think it is really hard to watch someone go through it. It has been such a blessing to have people checking in and praying and doing all of this stuff. I have been on the other side of this, and I think so often we don’t know what to do to help. Therefore, I decided to make a list of things while I am still in this situation that have REALLY helped me. Maybe it can help you when you have a friend going through this, but I am also writing this for me so I can remember this.

1. Don’t ask permission to go see them; go ahead and see them.

I know people may differ on this and may want to be left alone, but if you know your friend is more people-oriented, this may be a good rule to follow. For me, I had many people ask, “Do you need/want me to go to the hospital?” I would always just say no because I didn’t want to feel like I MADE someone come. My friend Carrie was different. I received a text from her after I gave her an update on my grandma’s condition saying, “I’m on my way to the hospital.” For me, this is what I needed. I wasn’t going to go out and ask someone to be there, but I kind of did want someone to be there. My fiancé’s father and a couple of high school friends did the same thing, and I really did value having them there.

2. Don’t ask, “Is there anything I can do?” Instead, offer to do something.

When you ask someone going through a stressful circumstance if there’s anything they want you do to help them, they are automatically going to say no. No one wants to be a burden, and a person probably has a lot going in his or her mind. It is hard for someone to think if they have something you can do to help. I know this was true for me. I would always tell people there wasn’t much they could do. My friend Mariah texted me to let me know the general stuff friends let you know: that they are praying and thinking of you. However, she also asked if I wanted her to teach at connect group this week. I was originally scheduled and the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind to ask someone. I was glad she offered, and I said she could.

3. Offer to update others.

I went to high school in southwestern Ohio. I did my undergrad in central Ohio. I am in grad school in central Kentucky. Yes, there were A LOT of people asking about my grandma. It was overwhelming at times trying to remember who I told what and trying to format texts. Even when I just sent the same texts, I felt like I was sending them to the wrong people. I also just did not have time to keep my phone attached to my hand. I wanted to be there for my family. Therefore, it was such a relief when my friend Catie offered to update my MVNU friends for me, and my friend Kassie started updating my TurningPoint Church friends. My friends still got updated and I did not have to be on the phone 24/7.

4. Do not keep asking what the newest update is.

It is natural to want to be updated, and I would like to believe if you have asked the person to keep you updated, he or she will. The reason I say to not keep asking is that a lot of times, there haven’t been any new updates. At least, that was the case for me. A lot of times, we were just waiting around to see what happened when my grandma was on a certain machine or waiting for the doctors or something. It just added stress to see a text come in that said, “Any news?” That made me always feel like we should have heard something by then, and it really just got to me. Asking once in a while, in case you think the person forgot to update you, is acceptable. Try texting a mutual friend first though to see if they have heard anything. The person may have forgotten to text you, but it was nothing personal. I know I forgot to text back a friend because of all the texts that came in, and her text message just got lost in it all.

5. Bring you friend dinner/take them out.

We spent so much time being at the hospital that I think I probably gained twenty pounds in fast food because that was all that was next to the hospital. Plus, it was cheaper then going out to eat. Someone in these types of situations, whether they just experienced a loss or are preparing for one, do not even have the strength to make himself or herself a good meal. Therefore, if you can take them out to a place where they aren’t eating junk food or you can just bring them something, it becomes incredibly helpful. On my way back to Lexington, my brother and I couldn’t take one more fast food meal, so we actually went out to eat at an Italian restaurant. I felt like my soup was medicine. I should have taken better care of myself, but you don’t always think about that in these situations.

6. Come do something with them.

I don’t know how many times I tried to do something homework related, and I just could not do it because of all of the stress. I couldn’t read a book, I couldn’t answer emails, I couldn’t write a blog post. Nothing. The only time I was actually able to do something is when I was talking to someone. Don’t know what to say? Bring them a movie to watch together. Bring a game. They will appreciate it. Trust me. I got tired of my games on my iPhone after five minutes. My brother and I at one point were so bored that we took our iPhones and pretended to be shooting each other with them. I think that entertained our fifteen-year-old cousin more than it did us.

7. Do NOT bring up God’s will in any conversation.

Okay, I didn’t want to bring up any “Do’s” and “Don’ts” when it comes to conversations, but this is one that I feel strongly about. First of all, just because your friend may be Christian does not mean the rest of the family is Christian. When you say this to a non-Christian, God becomes an evil bully. I even think that this paints a picture of Him as being horrible, and I am a Christian. This is certainly not the image you want painted of God. God is love. God is comfort. God is good. Making someone go through something like this is NOT God’s will. God intended for all of us to live eternally and walk with Him. This was the way it was before the fall of man. That was God’s intent. God never intended suffering or pain or hurt. I had two people who were Christians say this to me, and luckily for me, I am able to work through this in my mind. However, not everyone is able to, even a Christian may not be able to work through that. So PLEASE don’t say it because honestly, it’s incredibly inaccurate and somewhat blasphemous and rude in my opinion.

8. PRAY

I think a lot of people would get bummed out if I told them to keep praying. I think they wanted to do more. However, I learned at my church recently that we as Christians have this “at least I can pray” mindset. We see it as like the easy way out and something that doesn’t help much. Let me tell you something, like Pastor Alex at TurningPoint Church would say, “It’s not at least you can pray; it’s at most you can pray.” Prayer is a time where we are talking directly to God. I believe our God can do miracles. I believe our God listens and hears our cries. I believe He can comfort and work in these tough times. To me, prayer becomes the most important piece in comforting someone during these rough times.

Others may disagree, but these are the things that really helped me out. If nothing else, this is what I am going to remember and use it to hopefully comfort other people. I know everyone is different, so what works for me may not work for everyone else. I just know, in these times, we cannot stand alone. We need God, and we need our community.

Life Is so Good That it Hurts

In just a few short months, my life started to look up. If you would have approached me in say December, and asked how life is, I can almost hear my voice responding. “I hate Kentucky! I hate grad school! I just can’t wait until it’s over so I can move back to Ohio! This wedding planning stuff is completely chaotic and stupid! I don’t understand why everything has to be so expensive! Grant is just a jerk because he’s making us have a wedding!” I probably mumbled about how much I missed United Dairy Farmers as well.

While I still don’t understand why weddings are expensive, grad school is still grad school, and Arby’s milkshakes remain unsatisfactory in comparison to UDF, I can say a lot of my mindset has changed. I really don’t hate Kentucky anymore. In fact, I would say I love it and have come to appreciate a lot about it. I didn’t ever realize just how much I love Raising Cane’s. I’m thankful that there are infinitely more Starbucks establishments. Not to mention, I really like only driving like fifteen minutes tops to get anywhere.

Perhaps the biggest thing that made me like Kentucky was my church down here. Right before I left for the holidays, I started attending TurningPoint Church. With me leaving for the holidays, I didn’t really have time to get settled in with too much going on. I mean, I had met a couple of people there before I left, but not too many. However, after coming back from the holidays, I quickly grew to love TurningPoint. The first couple of weeks back were bad. I was at a pretty low point in my faith. I remember pouring out a list of questions I had for God that I didn’t understand, and I demanded answers. I talked to Grant and my brother about it, and to tell you what all they said would be just completely off topic, but they both encouraged me to seek God and seek godly fellowship. I decided to do a “social media” fast for 21 days since everyone at TurningPoint seemed to be on board with doing a 21-day fast for the church. It was actually really helpful and maybe I will write about that another time, but I kind of grew to really desire more involvement.

Before I knew it, I was a different person than I was in December. I was reading my Bible and praying everyday, and I don’t think that had happened since I was like twelve. I got involved in a really good connect group that has really helped me see the direction I need to head to battle my insecurities that I have discussed before (you can read that here). I became very interested in understanding how to be close to God and discovering the person He shaped me to be. I had made really good connections with people at church. Somehow, I got involved in two more connect groups, and in one I learned a great deal about mentorship (I wrote about that and you can read it here). I started praying for a chance for a mentorship relationship to develop, and I can see it happening. I was asked to start serving on the parking team for my church, and as crazy as it sounds, I really enjoy it and feel like it is a good fit for me.

Yes, it is all going so good. I even think I might want to stay in Lexington after I graduate.

But when things start going well, I suppose that we can’t expect it to stay that way.

This past Sunday I made a conscious decision to get baptized on Palm Sunday. I felt like I was ready. I had been sprinkled when I was younger, and I don’t even remember the words that were said over me or the words I said. I honestly think I just did it because all of the other kids at my church were getting baptized. This time, I am getting immersed, and that is sort of personally meaningful for me. For those of you that don’t know, I have a HUGE fear of being submersed underwater. Just ask my friend Ryan when he decided he was going to teach me how to swim or my friend Zach when he decided he was going to pull everyone in youth group underwater on a mission trip. Therefore, this is my public declaration that I trust God, and I will no longer let fear control me… even the fear of being underwater.

That was Sunday. And Monday literally could not have sucked anymore than it did. To spare us all a long story and not to break a social worker’s ethical commitment to confidentiality (which is an even LONGER story), I won’t/can’t go into detail, but practicum just began to really suck this week. There is no nice way of putting that at all.  It didn’t stop on Monday. It just raged on all week. However, I obviously made it through.

Then, Wednesday evening happened. Wednesday was by far the most frustrating day at practicum. It resulted in me talking to a friend from church just to say little things were starting to get to me. She was very encouraging, and I felt better talking to her. I came home that evening, and I received a text saying that the guy who oversees the parking team at church wanted to see if I would be interested in taking on a leadership position on the parking team. He encouraged me to pray on it and let him know Sunday, but it made me smile. Things were starting to look up.

An hour later, my phone rings. It’s my grandma. I figured she got something in the mail for me again. Probably telling me I need to do my exit counseling (don’t you judge me, but I STILL haven’t done my loan exit counseling). I didn’t realize it was her cell phone number. If I had known that, I would have known it was more serious. I picked it up, and my grandma told me she was in the hospital. I hung up and cried. I knew she said it wasn’t serious and it was just her pneumonia was making her oxygen levels low, but I still felt my mind just go to the worst possible scenarios of worry. I got a hold of Grant and in tears I said, “I just can’t believe Satan would stoop so low to do something like this!” We both kind of were taken back at what I said.

It wasn’t like me to say something like that. In December, I would have said, “Why is God allowing this?” But I knew better now. It always intrigues me the blame we give to God when things aren’t going right but the gratitude we never give Him when things are good. Anyway, that’s a different story. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t playing the blame game with God.

My friend that had called me earlier that day and encouraged me had told me a great truth. She told me that I was growing so much and doing so many things in my church. My walk with God was growing and I was on fire for Him. I mean it still is growing, I still am doing these things, and I still am on fire. And this pisses Satan off to no end. It is in these moments that he’s going to throw everything he can at me to make me angry with God, to make me question God, and to make me no longer trust God.

To Satan’s disappointment, I still have faith. I’m still going to serve. I’m still going to get baptized. I’m still going to grow. And you know after spending some time in prayer, I’m going to take that leadership position. I’m showing God that I still trust Him with the opportunities He has given me to grow because I have seen a great deal change in me in these past few months. How could I not continue to trust Him? For the first time in my life, I am beginning to REALLY see God as good. It is something we were taught. It is something we sing and pray, but I never really bought into it. Now, I see it, and I don’t think good can begin to describe it. I am not allowing Satan to drive me back to a mindset of questioning God’s goodness because I have tasted and I have seen.

The last bit of encouragement my friend gave me was she told me I am a world changer. It’s something we are told every week at church by our pastor. “You are not common. You are not ordinary. You are a world changer.” I don’t want anything to stop me, and I don’t want you, my friend reading this, to let anything stop you either. Whatever it is that is being thrown at you, I just encourage you to remain strong and unshakeable. I know it is easier said than done, but I will tell you this friend: You are not common. You are not ordinary. You are a world changer. Walk with that faith.

Mentorship 101... or Remedial Mentorship... Whichever You Prefer

Happy Women’s Day, or er… belated Women’s Day! I know it was yesterday, but I just didn’t have it in me to write yesterday. Therefore, if you will indulge me a little bit, I am going to talk about women. Now to all the guys, before you get all upset, I promise my woman talk will be brief and hopefully painless as I introduce my point.

I wasn’t even aware of Women’s Day yesterday until everyone on social media decided to alert me. Though, when I found out, I decided to reflect on what women inspire me. I naturally started to think of women such as Betty White, Tina Fey, Sandra Bullock, and Amy Poehler. The problem was these weren’t really women I looked up to, so on further reflection, I said the expected people such as my mom, my grandma, and my Aunt Darlene. Yet, I still was not satisfied with those answers. I wanted to say someone that has really stepped up outside of famous people or family to really inspire and lead me. I first thought of my friend at the rescue mission, Abigail, but I kind of just watch Abigail from the sidelines in awe of her awesomeness (that sounded so redundant, but I am just going to roll with it). I guess the woman I was looking for was what you may call a “mentor.”

Earlier this week, I had met a girl from my church at a meeting we had Wednesday night. We did the whole, “You’re cool! What’s your name? Give me your number! I’ll send you a Facebook request” thing, and she sent me a message yesterday inviting me to a women’s Bible study kind of thing that our church apparently does that I didn’t even know existed. My first thought was You’re kidding! Aren’t those things for like middle-aged women? However, I reasoned with myself by saying my friend was going and she was close to my age, so it couldn’t be too bad. I went, and I am so glad I did because I don’t think there was a woman in the room above 35.

Our pastor’s wife led a lesson on mentorship. I didn’t realize just how much I did not know about mentorship and how lightly I think we take it these days. It is a big deal in a way. I didn’t even know there was supposed to be a specific goal a mentor was supposed to provide. It makes sense. I guess I had just always been told the importance of having a mentor, but never the point. I mean your mentor should be someone that can lead you because they have been there before. Someone getting ready to get married may need a married couple that is kind of young to mentor him or her. Someone getting ready to go to college may want a recent graduate of college to be their mentor.

I don’t want it to sound like I am completely new to this whole mentorship thing. Believe me, I have tried to have a mentor before, but I feel like each time it has fallen through, and maybe it is because we have never been taught how to mentor or be mentored. I can’t be the only person to have said to someone, “Hey will you be my mentor?” and they say sure, but two months later you haven’t done anything.

All I ever had been taught about searching for a mentor is “they need to be older” or “they need to have experience” and I don’t think that is necessarily the things we need to focus on. We need to focus on what a mentor is expected to do not who they are expected to be. All we really need them to be is someone that is able to lead because they have been there before and they need to be mature in their faith. What a mentor needs to do is totally different and something we DESPERARELTY NEED to understand. They need to be praying for the person they mentor daily and be sort of an accountability partner. They should be weekly checking on the person they mentor through a text, email, or phone call. This communication should be to show love and encouragement, and every other week the mentor should spend time with their mentee. These all seem simple, but here is one that I never considered: serving together! We can grow and learn in service with each other. Therefore, this lesson suggests that a mentor and mentee serve at least once a month together. This was just all really helpful for me to know what to expect of a mentor, and maybe we need to lie out these responsibilities and make it clear when we enter a mentoring relationship. I think it is important for the mentor and the person they’re mentoring to know these expectations because at some point a mentee needs to mentor as well. A perfect biblical example to back this is Moses and Joshua. Moses very much mentored Joshua, but Joshua did not really pour into anyone and we saw a nation begin to fall.

There are responsibilities of the person being mentored too. We need to show honor to our mentor, come with questions, and always apply what we have learned from our mentor.

When we remember these things, I think mentorship can become the beautiful, beneficial relationship that it was meant to be.

On that note, I am thinking I am going to try to seek a mentor and discuss our expectations on this. I need to figure out my goal of mentorship, and while the expected goal would be for me to seek wise counsel on marriage, I am wondering if maybe I need to go with someone that can help me alleviate guilt and insecurity. It will definitely take some prayer and guidance from others. But I hope to one day REALLY SOON to enter a mentoring relationship that can help me mentor to others.

I can then add that someone to my list with Lucille Ball.

The "Feel Better" Movie

Does anyone else have that one movie they always turn to when they are sick, or is it just me? Since age seventeen, my "feel better" movie has been Stardust. I don't know why I fell in love with the movie so much. Perhaps I love it because Ben Barnes was only it in for like two scenes, and therefore didn't have a chance to ruin it like he did with Prince Caspian. Maybe I am just like other girls, and I love the cute, romantic story between Claire Danes and Charlie Cox.

Soure: RGJ

Perhaps it is just that Michelle Pfeiffer is just a beautiful woman for her age, and who knew a villain could look so good?

Source: News.com.au

 Maybe it is the sarcastic wit from Mark Strong's character.

But let's be honest, it is more than likely Robert De Niro's character that just makes me love this movie.

Source: Tumblr

However, the problem with this is that I have apparently lent my Stardust DVD out to someone along with the numerous DVDs I lend out and seem to never get back (by the way, if you are reading this, and you have my copy of The Notebook, Talladega Nights, Stardust, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or ANY other movie I am forgetting, I would greatly appreciate the return of my item).

This concept got me to thinking though, how often do I expect something to be returned to me if I do something nice for someone else? I mean, I don't always think that person "owes" me anything, but I kind of expect to here a sort of praise. "That Jordan girl is so sweet. I just love how she is always helping out."

Not to cling to the past, but I was nominated for quite a few senior superlatives in high school. Among them was nicest, best personality, most dependable, and a few others, such as worst car and most likely to be on a reality TV show (whatever that means). It was quite an honor to be nominated, and I cannot lie to you guys. I thought FOR SURE I had nicest in the bag. You know how many of those superlatives I won? None. Not one. I thought, "Maybe in college." Yeah, I wasn't even NOMINATED in college.

Looking back on it, it seems prideful and almost like you don't deserve the title of "nicest" if you think you deserve it. Perhaps that is why I didn't get it (more than likely it was popularity politics, but I am trying to make a point here). But it honestly didn't change who I was. I don't need some recognition, and that has been hard for me to accept.

I still really do struggle with comparing myself to others. I watched a number of my friends in college have many awesome things happen to them. You know what I thought the whole time? "I wish that could happen to me." I think I wasted a lot of my life wishing for awesome recognition or praise that I never got to be happy and appreciate the things for my friends. This in turn caused me not be happy and appreciate the things going on in my own life because I always wanted more of something. More recognition, more titles, and more whatever to just prove myself. My grandma used to always say it best, "The one thing about Jordan is that she is just never satisfied."

I once watched a video called "God's Chisel" from The Skit Guys. It was really great, and I loved it. I shared it on Facebook and everything. To this day, I honestly couldn't tell you everything in it. I could tell you one line though. One line that just stuck with me. The guy that portrayed God was chiseling away all of the bad stuff in this person's life to make him more like God. While doing this, "God" said, "You compare yourself to others instead of me." Talk about a part that stood out and hit me up the side of the head.

You know maybe it is okay to want more, but I need to direct my "wanting more" to wanting the right thing. I want more of God's heart. Just serving and loving others. I want more of the greater life. Not just the good life that comes with something in return because that something is not going to be enough for me. I want more of the greater life.

John 14:12 (NLT): "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father."

I am aiming for wanting more and more of this greater life. I am leaving behind this need to prove myself and insecurity that comes through comparing myself to others. I have a spiritual gift of exhortation that I have just wasted as I sat in my "expecting more for me time." I don't want to waste what I have been given. I know God has greater plans for me than what I think will make me happy (Ephesians 3:20).

In case you wanted to see it, here is the "God's Chisel" video.

In case you wanted some more Stardust, here's Mark Strong laughing on the floor.

Source: Tumblr